CHARACTERS:
Count Alexei Lvovich BRONSKY: Middle-aged Moscow aristocrat and friend to the Tsar.
NATALIA PAVLOVNA Brosnkaya, Countess: His wife, who prefers the country.
Fyodor Sergeyivich KOURNIKOV: A young politician, friend of the count and general mischief maker; well-liked and respected by friends and family nevertheless.
SONYA (Sophia Sergeyevna): His sister, quite a few years younger, pretty and charming.
MASHA (Maria Borisovna Naryshkina): Moscow socialite, friend and companion to Sonya.
Aryna Ivanovna Korobochka: The NANNY
A BUILDER
The DOORMAN
The SAMOVAR
The TSAR of Russia: The Tsar of Russia, sometime poet.
ACT 1:
[The drawing room in BRONSKY’s house in Moscow. The room is prepared for tea, KOURNIKOV reads a paper in an armchair with his back to the side door, MASHA and SONYA stand by a window near a back door. Builders are working outside, the noise of the work can be heard intermittently in the background throughout.]
SONYA. I am so unhappy! Look Masha, look outside. The sky is blazing blue, the geese are migrating and little Ivan is playing in the grass. But all I can think of is the emptiness in my own heart. The sky looks grey, the grass looks grey, the geese look grey-
KOURNIKOV (smugly). The geese are grey.
SONYA. I’m not talking to you. [To MASHA.] Do you understand how blank the world looks to me? It is too awful to see through these eyes, I’d rather be blind entirely! Do you know, the other day I went down to the old church with the Countess, the one at the end of the road that’s crumbling to a ruin. I saw an old woman walking around it, just walking and walking in circles. I watched her for an hour, I was completely fascinated. I thought, how could someone do something that is so obviously boring, there are such a number of places to go for a walk- that’s if one even wants to walk, you could drive, you could do something else entirely!- but by the time I had watched her for an hour or so I realised that she was doing exactly as I am. Round and round in circles! We have to do what our hearts tell us, whether it makes sense or not. Afterwards the Countess told me the old woman was blind, but I don’t think that makes a difference at all. Isn’t love complicated? Oh I wish someone would shut those builders up! [SONYA throws her arms up in frustration.]
MASHA. Of course I understand Sonya. I feel the same melancholy as you do after all. But unlike you Sonya, everyone knows exactly why I am so down all the time. The whole world knows who I love: the Tsar of Russia!
KOURNIKOV. Well, I’d be crying too if all I asked from fate was such a little trifle as being Empress of Russia and she refused me. Isn’t life unfair!
SONYA. Stop it Fyodor! Just because you’ve never been in love.
KOURNIKOV. Yes I have, just ask nanny. Nanny! Come over here and tell Sonya how in love I am with you. [To SONYA and MASHA.] She won’t love me back you know. In fact, just to spite my love for her, she refuses to bring in the tea even when I’ve called for it three times in half an hour. God save me from the jealousy of beautiful women! Nanny! The tea!
[Enter BRONSKY and NATALIA PAVLOVNA]
BRONSKY. My dear and lovely friends. How nice it is to have the house full when we come back from anywhere. You’re almost all like children to me, do you know that? I know we’re friends, I know, but it doesn’t change the fact. It has been six years since we were blessed with little Ivan; it may have escaped your attention but I am quite old for a young father, and until that miraculous, wonderful, joyous day came round I must confess I had rather lost all hope of ever seeing it. It was the most joyous day of my many days, and the years since with little Ivan have been the very happiest of my life- and yet they only number six! I spent a great many more years before that day thinking that you fine young people would have to do - and very finely you would have done too!
NATALIA PAVLOVNA. You’re babbling like an idiot.
BRONSKY. Am I? I suppose I am. My wife is very clever you know, she knows much more about babbling like an idiot than I do. [NATALIA PAVLOVNA glares, BRONSKY is oblivious.] Ah, to be young again like all you fine people! Masha you look so beautiful today- that reminds me! … Oh no, I’ve forgotten again. Oh, well. Nanny! We need some tea!
MASHA. We were just talking about how Sonya and I are so unhappy.
BRONSKY. Come now, that’s just nonsense. It is so fashionable to be unhappy these days. But you yourself are never unhappy Masha, you’re always full of life! Radiant! Eyes like sapphires, sparkling and bright, enough to set a heart on fire- Oof! Countess! Please don’t hit me in public.
NATALIA PAVLOVNA. Sonya darling, please don’t be upset. It pains me. [Looks outside, building noise intensifies greatly.] What are those builders doing?
KOURNIKOV. Building, I think.
[NATALIA PAVLOVNA frowns, BRONSKY grins.]
MASHA. Well, you’re right, of course, Count. I suppose I am always happy. And I do have delightful eyes. But you know that’s all a façade really – I believe that one must live life as if it’s worth living, to give oneself the best chance of catching a turn of good fortune if it does happen to come along. That is my practical approach, the one by which I actually live my days and go about in the world - but it doesn’t mean I can’t be depressed as an intellectual endeavour!
BRONSKY. Yes… if you say so.
KOURNIKOV. Masha, you’re really too pretty to be depressed. Why don’t you marry me, it really would open your eyes. Just give it a try at least?
MASHA (in earnest). Thank you Fyodor, that’s very kind of you, but I love the Tsar.
KOURNIKOV. So does the Count! He still married the Countess and look how happy they are! [Looks around, NATALIA PAVLOVNA has already left the room. BROSNKY shrugs.] Oh well. Nanny! The tea! The tea, the tea, the tea!
NANNY (entering). What?
KOURNIKOV. You are joking! What do you mean what? The t-e-a. The tea. Please!
NANNY. Well why didn’t you say so?
[NANNY exits].
SONYA. Masha, I will tell you why you’re happy. You can at least be in love, in peace. People might mock you for who you love but they understand it, they accept it. The derision is just a social comment, not a… theological one. The people around you, even if they don’t like it, know and understand folly, and they forgive it easily because they see it in themselves. If they scorn you they scorn themselves. If they stop you from loving they fetter all their own dreams and hopes! That means you can dream in peace. I cannot have even that!
BRONSKY. Why do you girls speak in riddles? Fyodor speaks plainly enough, you should emulate him. [KOURNIKOV bows theatrically in his chair. MASHA giggles.]
MASHA. But Sonya why don’t you tell us, we will understand, you must see that?
BRONSKY (in earnest). Sonya, my dear, when I said that you were all like my children I was not being trivial. You even more than the others, I’ve looked after you since you were little. I taught you how to play the piano, I sat with you in the country when you were ill even though I hate it out there! I am glad to have you as my daughter and even more glad you treat me as a father. We are your family, we love you like family, and we will accept your choices like family. You can tell us! It is true I might not agree or approve, but that’s my right. What I won’t do is scorn you, I’ll understand.
SONYA. No! You think you will but you won’t! You won’t understand at all! It’s all useless, I’m standing in Moscow trying to see St Petersburg, the gulf between what I know and what I would know grows wider and wider! And the chasm isn’t empty at all, not at all, all the time the water is rising around me, crashing between the church and the theatre. I’m drowning and I can’t even see the colour of the hand that will drown me, it’s all smothered by a blanket of grey, can you imagine that? Oh! Will those builders stop their stupid shouting!
[SONYA sobs. The noise from the builders gets louder.]
MASHA. Sonya, don’t cry! I’ll tell the builders to stop.
[MASHA exits, after a few seconds the builders stop for a little while. NANNY enters with the SAMOVAR.]
SONYA. Oh! [Sobs with more force.]
[MASHA entering, runs up to SONYA and holds her hand.]
KOURNIKOV. Sonya what is it? Is it something we said? Look, come have some tea, that will help?
SONYA. Oh God! No! Don’t pour me any tea for the love of God!
BRONSKY (agitated). What’s wrong with her! Masha, do something. Sonya, please, it can’t be all that bad, just tell us.
[Builders start again.]
MASHA. You’ve held your breath for long enough Sonya. It’s time to let it go. It will be that easy really, just exhale, let it go.
SONYA. It’s too hard! It’s impossible. Oh, I’m so upset, it’s all so grey!
BRONSKY. Those damned builders! Ho, there! Stop that! [Builders stop.] Sonya have some tea.
SONYA. No, no, no! No tea!
[Enter BUILDER, stands by the back door.]
BUILDER. Excuse me, your Highness, can I have some tea?
BRONSKY. Please go away.
[BUILDER exits. Building noise starts again a few seconds later.]
KOURNIKOV. Come on Sonya, tea will make you feel better.
SONYA. No! Don’t make me!
MASHA. Just tell us Sonya! Damn those builders! Just tell us.
SONYA (shouting). Fine! Fine! I’ll tell you! I’ll tell you but don’t look at me after I do, don’t tell me I’ve gone mad! I already know that much, so don’t say it! [Looking around fearfully.] I’m in love with the Samovar!
[Shocked silence. Builders stop. SONYA frantically looks around, eventually her eyes rest on the Samovar.]
SONYA. From the first time I laid eyes on him, I thought… now there is beauty, there is grace enough to make the whole dead world glitter. The polished silver, the cool smooth lines, how many nights have I caressed my dear Samovar and called him sweet names. I look into his depths, his soul, and I see myself. What poetry, what music is there in such a celestial truth as your own soul looking back at you from the one you love. [SONYA looks up.] And what’s more – he loves me too! I know he does! Whatever you say don’t tell me I’ve gone mad!
[Goes over to the SAMOVAR, kisses it and desperately hugs it.]
KOURNIKOV. My God, she’s serious. She’s gone mad!
DOORMAN (entering). The Tsar of Russia has arrived!
[DOORMAN exits.]
BRONSKY. My God! That was what I forgot! Oh no!
MASHA. The Tsar! I must smooth my dress, I must check my hair- no time!
BRONSKY. Call my wife! Kournikov, call the Countess!
[KOURNIKOV gets up, opens the door, and finds NATALIA PAVLOVNA on the other side. She barges in and KOURNIKOV sits back down.]
BUILDER (entering). Excuse me, your Highness, did that girl say she’s in love with the samovar?
BRONSKY. What the bloody hell are you doing here! Get out!
[BUILDER exits.]
NATALIA PAVLOVNA. How could you forget the Tsar was coming you blundering fool! I should never have married you, I should have married some other Count- I’d even marry a Baron than you now!
BRONSKY. Please Countess, this is no time to be silly.
[SONYA is still huddled by the SAMOVAR, stroking it gently, oblivious to all else.]
SONYA. Maybe now we can be together, now they all know, maybe they’ll let us be married!
MASHA. Fyodor, how do I look?
KOURNIKOV. Masha, the Tsar would have to be blind, deaf or a complete fool not to love you- unfortunately, having spent some time with the Tsar, I know for a fact that he is all three.
[Builders start again].
BRONSKY. Those bloody idiots! I’ll get them, I’ll show them something, I’ll show them! Shut up! Right, here we go. [Starts off towards the back door. NATALIA PAVLOVNA grabs his hand before he takes a step.]
NATALIA PAVLOVNA. Please, come back.
BRONSKY (flustered). Oh, yes, I suppose you’re right.
DOORMAN (entering). The Tsar!
[TSAR enters, whispers to DOORMAN.]
DOORMAN (clears throat). The Tsar of Russia and sometime poet, The Tsar!
[Exit DOORMAN. All bow.]
TSAR. Bronsky! How are you! Long years unnumbered since I was last in this room, long years unnumbered like the wings of trees! [KOURNIKOV rolls his eyes.] And Countess, you look radiant, like the night of cloudless climes and starry skies! Wonderful! Kournikov! I didn’t know you would be here. It’s good to see you – as the west wind you are, ever light and fair. Mother Russia has given you the afternoon off her service has she?
KOURNIKOV. Your Imperial Majesty. [Bows again, theatrically.] Unfortunately we cannot all possess the tireless spirit which allows one to render service at every hour of the day. [Winks at BRONSKY who is still flustered and doesn’t see.] Will you join us for tea?
BUILDER (entering). Excuse m- Oh my, is that? Oh!
BRONSKY. Shut up and piss off!
TSAR. But I only just got here! [BUILDER exits.]
NATALIA PAVLOVNA. Please forgive the Count. He doesn’t know how to handle stress.
BRONSKY. Ah, Your Majesty, may I introduce! Maria Borisovna Naryshkina, who we call Masha-
MASHA (flushed). How do you do?
TSAR. Quite wonderfully now that I’ve been introduced to you, Masha.
[MASHA blushes.]
BRONSKY. And this is Kournikov’s sister, who we call Sonya.
[TSAR turns and stops silent when he sees SONYA, cuddling the SAMOVAR on the floor. SONYA looks up. Building work stops.]
TSAR. Oh my…
[KOURNIKOV and BRONSKY look at each other wide-eyed. BUILDER, NANNY and DOORMAN enter. TSAR approaches, SONYA stares into his eyes.]
TSAR. What a thing of delicate beauty. What a monument to the power of God, so wonderfully made, such a radiance in the aura! My dear, the image of you has tamed the lion heart within me, in another age perhaps you could have tamed the thunder-bringer himself! You are the clear sunshine over the fields ripe with crop; you are the towers and balls of St Petersburg; you are the sound of marching boots in war; you are the sermon ringing in the church: my darling, you are Russia herself! How did it happen so suddenly? I am in love!
[TSAR looks around, MASHA is despondent, KOURNIKOV and the rest are in joy, SONYA is flushed and entranced.]
TSAR. I am in love! Marry me! Be happy!
[TSAR reaches down, SONYA reaches up her hand. He reaches past her and affectionately picks up the SAMOVAR. Kisses it passionately and looks around again.]
TSAR. I am in love!
[Runs out of the door with a cry of joy, SAMOVAR in hand. A few seconds of stunned silence then noise of the building work resumes.]
KOURNIKOV (miserably disappointed). Well, that explains the state of our policy on the continent. I have never really understood it but now it all makes sense – he is simply insane.
BRONSKY (severely agitated). What the hell was that? Can someone explain what has just happened?
BUILDER. I think the Tsar of Russia is going to marry your samovar.
[BRONSKY turns to the BUILDER slowly.]
BRONSKY (in measured voice, rising). I do not know what it is about my character that has led to this, maybe it was the way I was raised, maybe it is my good natured eyes. But, it is a step too far. I have had enough. I have had enough! How many times have I asked you to PLEASE not come in here?
BUILDER. Many, granted – um, your excellency – but I think you will agree that it would have been grossly unfair to have denied me the opportunity to witness what we’ve seen here for reasons of mere social impropriety. It’s an historic event, I think.
BRONSKY. Why you…
[BRONSKY exits.]
SONYA (with vacant expression). My love, my dearest. All is gone. I thought the world was grey before, but now it’s black. It’s all over. [Sobs softly.]
KOURNIKOV. I feel the same way, how will we have tea now? I love tea!
BRONSKY (entering with revolver). Right you little rat, you won’t come in here again.
[BUILDER flees out the back door, BRONSKY striding after him.]
NANNY (to KOURNIKOV). I remember once this happened to the old Countess, the Count’s mother. She was very upset, and I said to myself, there’s no point in it. What happens? Nothing ever changes, and you end up upsetting everyone around you, you hide away from your entire life just to be upset alone. Who does it help? Shall I get you the other samovar? I think we need some tea. It’s just the same as the one that poet took.
KOURNIKOV. There’s another samovar! God be praised. Hear that Sonya? There’s another one, stop crying. Nanny says it looks exactly the same! Stop crying.
SONYA. You can’t replace him! No one can replace him!
[Gunshot in the background.]
BRONSKY (offstage). Ha! Make your noise now!
MASHA. Well, this is what love is, I suppose. The novels all show it rise and fall, like the tides, like the winds, like all things. He was my first love, and in the rapture of my first love I believed it was perfect. Maybe my heart will never again beat as when he looked at me, maybe my soul will never again know such elevation, such spiritual peace, as when he said my name. I will treasure it forever. But, now, he loves another and I will have to find another to love as well. [Sighing.] Love or die… that’s all there is, I suppose.
[MASHA reaches down to hold SONYA’s hand. Another gunshot.]
BRONSKY (offstage). HA! And you too! By the time I’m finished there won’t be a single builder left in the whole of Russia. Nanny! Get some tea on! This is thirsty business!
[A third gunshot. Noise of building work stops.]
CURTAIN
